Cider Daze (_bleedingtears) wrote in low_self_esteem,
Cider Daze

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Getting A Few Things Of My Chest

While at a local punk rock gig this weekend while in the toilets i overheard some girls being really nasty about me saying stuff like "Shes fat and ugly, no one even likes her why does she come to these gigs? no one wants her here" im not sure whether they knew i was in one of the cubicles or not but these things still hurt me and once they had left i ran over to where some of my friend were sitting and spent most of the evening friends were quick to reassure me but i always assume people will hate me and the things these girls said make these feelings of unacceptance rise up again...personally ive always hated the way i look no matter how many people tell me im cute/pretty or gorgeous...things people have said to me my whole life make me think the opposite. Ive even had family members {aunts and uncles} tell me im ugly and that i should lose some weight. yes im not happy with it and yes i diet but im not about to take a quick fix diet or become bulimic.
I have a general distrust of most people especially men ever since my stepfather {who has since left us} hit both me and my mum...he also held up a knife to my throat...and was the starter of my untrusting nature.
I dont know what im trying to portray over then that i think people dont like me cause of this untrusting thing cause i seem untouchable or so ive been told.
Anyway i had to get all that off my chest.


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